Why comedians Mark Dolan and Leo Kerse have degrees of disdain over time at Scottish universities


At the wilderness of the television landscape, we wander off, stumbling across a late-night GB News program called Headliners, the scene of a heated weekend debate over the merits of lifelong learning.

The discussion, between a group of comedians, is moderated by a guy named Mark Dolan, who remembers having a good time at Edinburgh University, despite getting a less than perfect 2/2 degree in politics.

He admits it was “a waste of taxpayers’ money, for which I would like to apologize. I will repay the money one day”.

Panel member Leo Kearse recalls his own undergraduate years, earning a degree in film and media studies from another of Scotland’s esteemed places of learning.

Said Leo, dismissively, “No offense to the University of Stirling, but they don’t call it the Harvard of the North.”

With that kind of attitude, it’s a miracle Stirling let him keep his degree.

Cutting comment

DECIDING to tackle the greenery of his overgrown garden, Ken McLean, from Denny, near Falkirk, concluded that he would first have to buy a lawnmower to replace the old model he had bought in 1985.

Like many savvy customers, Ken read which one first? magazine, which analyzes the products and then advises on the best buys.

“I was relieved to find out,” says Ken, “that their reviews were all based on extensive field testing.”

Salad days

WE discuss the disturbing discovery that the universe is expanding faster than scientists previously assumed.

Norman Dryden, from Edinburgh: “Anyone who has ever chopped up a little cabbage and then surveyed the resulting mountain of greenery will know that with the recent huge increase in the number of vegetarians and vegans, the universe must expand to make room for the coleslaw.

money matters

DIARY correspondent David Donaldson was in Poundland shopping for spooky Halloween masks (you’re never too old to trick). He saw two women complaining about soaring prices on many items.

“Things are fine,” sighed one lady, “they’ll have to say it was ‘Used To Be A Poundland’.”


Being a caring daughter, reader Melissa Roberts phoned her elderly father to remind him that the clocks had been rolled back over the weekend.

“Oh great,” Dad said. “These are the six months of the year when my watch tells the right time.”

Looping language

A MENTION of the peculiarities of a certain word inspires Eric MacDonald to ask, “Has anyone ever been extremely disappointed?”

animal magic

IMPRESSED with her purchase of a new sat nav, reader Nicola Munro says: “It’s really accurate because I passed a zoo and he said ‘turn left’.”


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